10 Types of Ancient Birth Control That Will Make Your Vag Scream

 

Want sex but don’t want kids? Shove some poo up your hoo. Want to get frisky, but babies too risky? Use lead while in bed.

 

…at least that’s what our ancestors thought.

 

Ancient birth control might have been necessary to pave the way for current contraceptives, but it still ranges from things that would make you go “ouch” all the way to “What the hell were you thinking?!”  After all, many of these things are cut from the ancient “medical” cloth as “dancing with amulets and praying away the pregnancy”.

 

Read on for ... I don't know ... masochistic pleasure?

 

 

1. ANIMAL POOP


 

Tied for first place in the category of “Oh Dear God!” are the ancient Egyptians and Mesopotamians

 

by their use of crocodile dung pessaries. Ancient India is also included for their use of elephant poop.

 

The thing is, altering vaginal PH is the concept behind some modern contraceptives (which is what the excrement probably did … to a point). But is anyone else imagining that “WHAT?!” moment where someone thought the piles of steaming poo were a good idea and the look on the first female test subject’s face?

 

 

2. HONEY AND ACACIA


 

At least some of the ancient Egyptian solutions didn’t involve bacterial infections…

 

They also used honey, acacia leaves, and lint to block sperm. Then there was acacia gum (which is actually a modern ingredient to contraceptive jellies). We’ll also give them creativity points for the honey and sodium carbonate paste that would go in women’s vaginas.

 

 

3. SILPHIUM


 

 

The species of giant fennel is one of the cooler stories…

 

Ancient Greeks and Romans used the plant mostly for cooking but also for birth control. However, there was one major problem … it would only grow in one part of what is now modern-day Libya. They tried to grow it other places, but no dice. This made it really rare.

 

Whether or not it was actually did anything useful doesn’t matter – people believed it was a miracle plant. Eventually, it became so rare, it was used as currency and valued more than even silver. It should be no surprise then that it went extinct long ago.

 

SIDE NOTE – Dried latex gum/resin was a close relative to Silphium and was also used in a similar way.

 

 

4. QUEEN ANNE’S LACE


 

Also known as wild carrot, it is still used as a contraceptive today (especially in India). Even Hippocrates talked about how great it was (at least these guys got one thing right in that department).

 

To get all sort-of-sciencey, the seeds block progesterone synthesis which has it go down in history as an early form of the day-after pill. There was little to no side effects – except for constipation … or confusing it for a plant that looked the same but could kill you.

 

 

5. SAVING YOUR “ENERGY”


 

Ancient Chinese and Indians practiced “coitus reservatus” and “coitus obstructus”, which is just a fancy way of saying “try not to ejaculate”. We don’t know if this was more about avoiding babies, or men just saving their precious “yang”.

 

 

6. METALS AND POISONS


 

  • Chinese used oil and quicksilver (mercury, not the Xman character) in their “thousand of gold” contraceptive to make women sterile. Or you could just fry it with tadpoles and eat it as an after-sex solution. (I swear to god, I can't make this stuff up).

 

  • Hippocratic text On the Nature of Women told ladies to drink a copper salt dissolved in water (which is dangerous AF).

 

  • Mercury, liquid lead, and arsenic were all prescribed *(sometimes together) across nearly every ancient culture. It definitely worked as birth control because it would f-up your body and brain so badly, you physically couldn’t have kids or no one would want to have sex with you because you were dying or dead.

 

 

7. LEMON


 

 

Rumor has it that Casanova used half a lemon as a diaphragm – probably because other physicians and cultures also used lemon or citrus juice for either drinking or soaking in cotton/lint/materials and shoving up the vagina.

 

Can we say “stinging” boys and girls?

 

 

8. OILS


 

Aristotle made olive oil cedar oil popular for a time – nothing like celebrity endorsements. The idea was to “slow down” the sperm and give women time to wash/douche themselves.

 

 

9. POMEGRANATE PEELS


 

Greek physician, Soranus of Ephesus, told women to grind up the inside of a fresh pomegranate peel, make a paste with water, and slather on the inside of the vag. For extra oomph, he also said that adding oak gall, rose oil, and gum would do the trick...

 

FACT – Oak gall is created from the chemical injections of a gall wasp into the fibers or leaves of an oak tree. Yummy.

 

 

10. ROCK SALT


 

Don’t say us females didn’t have choices! Indian ladies from long ago would either slide smoothed pieces of rock salt up there (at least I hope they smoothed it down, otherwise OUCH!), or they could go extra fancy by adding honey and/or ghee on top of the salt chunk.

 

This one has survived from ancient India all the way to modern times.

 

MORE OLD CONTRACEPTIVES – South African seed pods, willow, seaweed wads, rue, beeswax, pennyroyal, stone discs, animal balls, blue cohosh, date palm, artemisia, cedar resin, balsam tree juice, and myrrh.

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

If you were stuck in ancient times, would you dare any of these? Or just go celibate for the rest of your life? … Share in the comments?

 

For more entertaining articles, you might like these…

 

 

 

Have a great day!

Robyn

Mots clésAncient Birth Control

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