10 Crazy Sex Toys You Can Never Unsee

Header for Crazy Sex Toy Article - Man in grey t-shirt and black glasses, covering his mouth in surpirse

 

 

Trust me, there’s a lot of strange out there - especially in the world of sex toys: baby Jesus butt plug, bacon lube or condoms, HotDoll, Kaylani's Foot Fetish, just to name a few. 

 

So, either you're on a coffee break, you want to traumatize your friends, or you just need a giggle.

 

Whatever the case ... enjoy!

 

 

1. SLUTTY ZOMBIES  It’s not brains we’re looking for


   

Zombie masturbators from Fleshlight's Freak collection and bottle of lube, powder, and cleaner

From Fleshlight’s The Warming DeadPack (appropriately found in their “Freaks” section), this pussy-in-a-cup collection offers not just jagged looking teeth to slip your cock by, but a rotting zombie pussy to get frisky with.

 

We are not sure how much the antibacterial toy cleaner is gonna help with the undead plague though. Not to your taste? That’s okay, they have Reaper and Predator options too.

 

 

2. MAD SCIENTIST Throw a bit of “science” into your sex toys


 

Clone a Willy dildo moldWeird or not, Clone-A-Willy honestly looks like fun. Stick your “test tube” into the mold, add silicon, toss in a vibrator, and voila, an exact replica of his penis.

 

It's a good option if you want to keep a piece of your partner with you (in a non-creepy kind of way). For the best results, follow the cloning instructions carefully - there's particular emphasis on not letting your ding-dong touch the sides of the mold.

 

 

3. NIGHTMARE ON SEX STREET Wes Craven would be proud


 

Product The Claw - double finger ring with two sharp metal ends

For the non-ordained, The Claw seems like something out of a torture chamber - and they might not be that far off. From light tickling to agonizing scratching, this simple tool could do a lot of damage or deliver a lot of pleasure. We all know a few people who utterly melt when having their back scratched.

 

Itching for costume ideas? Grab one for each finger and throw on a striped sweater and fedora - instant, kinky Freddy Krueger.

 

 

4. BLOWJOB VAMPIRES  I want to suck your … blood


 

Succu Dry Vampire masturbator cup by Fleshlight

Another sex-in-a-can option by Fleshlight. Succu Dry offers intimidating silicon “fangs” down the love canal. Certainly not for the faint of heart or penis, but anything’s gotta be better than the pale, sparkly, Twilight dildo we found in our searches.

 

Not enough blood? Add a fake hymen into play (we wish, to the Halloween gods, we were joking, but no, they really exist.)

 

 

Want a masturbator that doesn't scare the crap out of you?

Try Max by Lovense ... it won't bite.

 

 

5. ALIEN ATTACK We come to this planet looking for kinky life


 

Purple alien blowup doll with three breastsAn oldie, but a goodie. No Crazy Sex Toy list would be complete without Area 51 Love Doll, available on Amazon under the “sexual wellness” heading.

 

“Now you can experience what humans have fantasized about for decades...incredible sex with an alien! It's pussy-shaped mouth, 3 supple breasts, suction cup fingers and ass-shaped ears make it the kinkiest love slave in the galaxy.” [sic]

 

Couple that with Japanese Love Slime and you have a night to remember … or forget. Our favorite part -- the free alien lube. Please tell me it glows in the dark. If so, take my money now.

 

 

6. MLP BLOW UP DOLL If the cartoon isn't enough


 

My Little Pony blowup doll in skimpy underwearYes, we have another blow-up doll, and this one shouldn't really surprise you.

 

With all the My Little Pony hype in the last few years, the Rule 34 of the internet got a reboot of this classic toy .. and a sex toy that goes with it. Oh, and it's HUGE! I think the Chinese manufacturer was going for actual horse size?

 

 

7. TENTACLE MONSTER It's better down where it's wetter


 

Bad Dragon Tentacle dildosIt should be no surprise that Bad Dragon landed on our list. These makers of extreme dildos offer Halloween-esque designs all year round. The entire site is a collection of werewolves, demons, and other mythical creature appendages you can use to fulfill your dirtiest dreams. And, in our quest, we stumbled across one gem.

 

Directly out of a hentai, The Tentacle dildo comes complete with suction cups and three sizes: baby octopus, standard monster, and “HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”

 

 

8.  CUP NUDE Japanese noodle cup for your noodle


 

Japanese Cup Nude masturbator cupThe contents of this instant treat is not for human consumption - then again, neither is the real version. However, I can't help but tip my hat to Japan for doing what they do best when it comes to sex toys - making them weird ... or looking like something else ... or both. 

 

This imposter might look like the Cup O'Noddle we've all come to know and "love", but inside is a masturbation ring and free pack of lube. It's a one-and-done deal, so make sure you throw it in the garbage after ... and not leave it out for your roommate to find.

 

 

9. SCORPION VIBRATOR It hurts so good?


 

Black scorpion sex toy vibrator in black coffin caseConsidering we already have tentacles, it shouldn't be a stretch to imagine an arachnid.

 

However, at least the fantasy animal appendages look more on the cartoon side. The Death by Orgasm Scorpion Vibrator looks just too real (as far as these kinds of toys go). Then again, maybe there are those who would like it. Goths? Animal enthusiasts? Hardcore Penny Dreadful fans?

 

The material also looks like TPE, so be careful with cleaning the fairly porous material. 

 

 

If you've enjoyed this twisted article so far, you might enjoy these:

Pillows, Porn, and Pee - Strange Japanese Sex Toys

History of Tentacle Porn - Missionaries, Shunga Scrolls, and Censorship

 

 

And, finally ...

 

 

10. FRANKENSTEIN'S FOOT No time for a whole monster


 

Silicone foot sex toy with vagina on the end - call the VajankleIt’s not like body-mishmash toys are new (there’s one out there with boobs, a penis, a vagina, and anus all shoved into one unholy lump of silicon), but the makers of the Vajankle have clearly tried to create a toy with a shocking amount of detail, right down to the French manicure on the toenails.

 

This foot-fetisher’s dream toy comes for the dizzying price of $249! … left foot only. Then again, it’s cheaper than the lawyer’s fees and prison sentence if you tried to make your own real-life version.

 

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

Still not crazy enough for you? There’s always Pleasure Periscope or Mr. Jack with Mustache; toys for the truly … adventurous. Have fun looking up those.

 

Have an ... interesting day,

Robyn

 

Mots clésCrazy Sex Toys

Comments (3)

  1. Endhsksnlsmsbddm says:

    mad dragon looks cool. I don't think I'll ever use them, but I kinda want a room full of just DILDOS. And not normal ones either, sick, depraved ones like, you walk in and it's just a bunch of dragon, alien, and (of course) horse dildos.

  2. Kink69 says:

    Yall should check out the locking ass ancer!!! Very fun for your dunged!!!

  3. Glyph says:

    Nice. The tentacle one isn’t that weird? I can imagine a lot of nice stimulation

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